"Skull Pumpkin Disaster of 2008" or Why I do not play with knives....

Normally around the Boling household this time of year Craig is yielding the carving knife turning an average pumpkin into nothing short of a work of art. For some, as yet to be discovered reason, this year Eli asked me to carve his pumpkin. After repeatedly trying to convince him that I was not the best choice for this task, he assured me that he had faith I could do it! (this coming from the boy who can't draw a straight line --wonder where he got that from?!)

So begins the story of the Skull Pumpkin Disaster of 2008

--In the beginning there was a lowly pumpkin who had graced the table for a few weeks now. Waiting and watching while the White Pumpkin was fussed over for 2 nights, looking and longing while the Piglet took up a whole afternoon of precious time. Always wondering, "When will it be My turn?"

Alas!! The young Boling lad decided he was ready to have me turned into the masterpiece I was destined to become. After much research using the greatest tool ever invented(google) he decided on a devilishly scary skull pattern. He sent me to the guillotine to have my head removed, then with his trusty spoon he proceeded to remove my brains. It wasn't all roses and puppies as he & his sidekick Emma soon figured out.



With my innards all gutted I sat peacefully on the carefully arranged newspaper in anticipation of Mr. Boling working his carving skills on me(this is not something one takes lightly - as I have heard whispers of the creations this man has produced in past years). All of a sudden what is that I feel?!? It is the hands of the Mom----- an amateur!!
**GASP** How can they do this to me...Why are they doing this me? Taking my one shot in the spotlight....my 15 minutes of fame and throwing it into the hands of a pumpkin carving NEWBIE!! Who could be so cruel?!?!?!

I can hear Eli and Emma oh-so-innocently giving Mom the go ahead. "You can do!" they say "we have faith in you!" Why are they doing this? Have they not seen this womans attempts at drawing? Have they not been privy to her many sketches of various things that have ended with them being tossed like yesterday's news into the garbage while she slyly asks Mr.Boling to do the sketch for her?

For whatever reason they have resigned my fate to her and alas there is not a thing I can do but sit here and cringe as I wait for the 1st gut-wrenching poke of the knife. She actually takes the time to trace the design on. Trace- for heavens sake! Every Pumpkin knows that a true carver works totally by free-hand, that is the sign of a true professional, which is obviously Not whose hands I am in *sigh*

Arghhhh here it is, the 1st slice and it is a deep one!
"Jab...slice,slice,slice. Prob...wiggle, wiggle, wiggle."
Who in Halloween's name wiggles a knife while carving?!?
I beg one last time of you, Boling Children, save this poor helpless pumpkin before it is too late to turn back!!

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Anyone? Help?
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Ahhh it's over now, there is nothing I can do. The evil knife wiggler and the kids are looking at me now. Without ears it is difficult to determine what they are saying. The girl puts her hand over her mouth and looks at the Dad with an odd face.

What could they be thinking? Am I that bad? Oh Maybe I am actually better than they thought I would be? YES that is it!

WAIT--Emma is holding up the stencil for comparison.

Now Dad is laughing...Mom has a "I told you so" kinda look on her face... and now both the kids are laughing too!!




Oh Nooooooooooo How could this happen? Who was the mastermind behind this atrocity?
How did I go from a scary, tough, rugged looking skull to a crooked mouth, slack-jawed squarish looking cat?!?!

Even the candlelight does not do me justice!!

How can I ever hold this lopsided head up in public again? I will be the talk to Halloween Bashes everywhere and the laughing stock of Jack 'O Lantern Lane for all eternity!!




I beg of you Boling Family... Please, Please, Please do not ever let Mom use a knife on an unsuspecting pumpkin again! Have her stick to paper, paint, and glue -that is more up her alley and doesn't have any adverse reactions on a lowly Halloween creature such as myself. Please never let this type of disaster repeats itself in your household again!!

Thank you for allowing me to grace your porch this Halloween season despite my appearance.
Sincerly,
"What should have been a Devilishly Scary Skull Pumpkin were it not for the lack of skill in one woman's hands."
Halloween 08



**Please excuse any typing/wording errors :) **